toxic

Over the years

the voice has dissipated

to a small chiming sound,

pitched so to almost be unheard,

it seems so much better to be

unheard               unseen.

You said it was the comment

I made across the table

dressed in a suit,

               Just be kind to us

my reference to professional conduct

but you heard it as

              Just be kind to me

We began with discussions of

poetry and art

over coffee and cigarettes,

            a middle of

my legs spread from

one side of a room to the other,

                          ended with you leaving

while I carried our child

        under my breastbone.

Perfection exists in balance

of all things,

handing trust to your lover

because they know

             what it means,

how fragile its beauty-

          for them to break it,

scattering       shards

like a trail of breadcrumbs

               that I must follow

to put myself back together.

I heard your voice calling

             again

through the distance,

remembering becomes rose tinted

I loved you so deeply,

              I love you

for making me a woman

want to lay myself out for you

yet it always was toxic

                 it always was toxic,

chimes the voice

speaking slowly

calling this masochist to prayers.

Copyright: Samantha Ledger 2011