Tuesday 16 August 2011

toxic

Over the years
the voice has dissipated
to a small chiming sound,
pitched so to almost be unheard,
it seems so much better to be
unheard               unseen.

You said it was the comment
I made across the table
dressed in a suit,
               Just be kind to us
my reference to professional conduct
but you heard it as
              Just be kind to me

We began with discussions of
poetry and art
over coffee and cigarettes,
            a middle of
my legs spread from
one side of a room to the other,
                          ended with you leaving
while I carried our child
        under my breastbone.

Perfection exists in balance
of all things,
handing trust to your lover
because they know
             what it means,
how fragile its beauty-
          for them to break it,
scattering       shards
like a trail of breadcrumbs
               that I must follow
to put myself back together.

I heard your voice calling
             again
through the distance,
remembering becomes rose tinted
I loved you so deeply,
              I love you
for making me a woman
want to lay myself out for you

yet it always was toxic
                 it always was toxic,
chimes the voice
speaking slowly
calling this masochist to prayers.

Copyright: Samantha Ledger 2011

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